Wind

I’m creating a podcast for the LDR machine… I’m pretty excited.

It’s about Christmas and what it means to people. Especially neat cause it really is my first one that I will be experiencing without the negative connitations.

If you have any ideas or comments, please submit them. I want to put some shit up about myself for sure - but - the reality is always about anyone *but* me. < hehe >

I’m beginning the skeleton structure now, some music I will be getting for LDR and some already there. The concepts and recording itself.

Speak now or forever hear all kinds of babble about my penis.

Er. I mean. Other … very interesting things.

< CHUCKLE >

– rob.

PS: A new Bruce Campbell MOVIE!??? Can the planets truly be aligned??? Yes. “They Call Me Bruce.”

LFS (LightDeprived) told me something that I hadn’t visualized in my mind.

“in my mind you have reached Self-Substantiation.”

Reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animatrix#Kid.27s_Story

You know I never really thought of it like that. A visual parallel to what I have been doing with my life. An escape.

Wow.

I am ecstatic that I am making these changes. I am sticking to my guns. I am becoming - human.

Took me a while to do it is all.

< shy smile >

But the journey is certainly worth it.

– rob.

12:51 < jaedus> fucking wife
12:51 < jaedus> be back in a bit…
12:51 -!- jaedus [~jaedus@**.*********.***] has quit [Quit: ircII EPIC4-2.4 --
Are we there yet?]
12:51 < trOdAt> She needs it bad I guess.
12:51 < trOdAt> =)
12:51 <@LuciferSam> what i was thinking

I LOVE BANFF.

Maybe sometime if you want we can sit down and talk about how you and I feel.

I don’t hate you. Yeah, some things I’ve written on this blog have been cruel. I’m sorry about that.

I will say that I do feel things that I don’t understand. I wish to talk about this with you, to hear your side of the story.

Something did happen to me. What I don’t know, my mind won’t release that experience. Whatever it is has affected me and now at this point in my life I am realizing that I am in charge. I am the master of my course.

A lot of that comes from you mom.

Stubborn nature. Passion. Love. Warmth. Joy. Care.

I am using these incredible gifts everyday to love who I am. To feel great about myself.

Whatever happened is in the past. I am now moving on.

I will never ever not love you, I will never ever not consider you my mom. You will always be my mom. My mommy.

I am sorry if my words hurt you. I am not perfect. DAMN CLOSE but not perfect. < hehe >

Never think I am not thinking of you, your love and being. You are my mom. Always will be and I am so greatful.

Love.

Rob.

This was an incredible weekend for me. No, I didn’t solve all my problems. I didn’t answer all the questions in my mind. And I certainly didn’t crush the fear and guilt in my mind, heart and soul.

I did though think about the pain. And in that moment I cried out “Why did they hurt me?”

And then the healing began.

No one person in this world of beans can say with a fact “I have had the best life, no problems, no issues!” So I’m not going to say “Mine was the worst… mine was the worst!” because it isin’t. I’ve had a great life. One wtih incredible experiences of joy, love and passion.

I have though, like all of you, encountered and endured episodes where pain, pain was a particulate of living.

Now as I breath, breath… breath, my body and mind join. I feel an incredible response to my thoughts. I’m scared - fear and guilt are strong emotions.

But so am I. I will defeat these feelings. I will conquer my self-doubts and worry.

Surrender. I surrender.

Forgive. I forgive.

I wrote this a while ago - I’m posting it publicly for the first time. As I enter into a world of, I struggle for the right words, love/lust/fuck/desire/intention, I find I’m writing more and more about this. One of these days I will post some of my other works.

< shy smile > Oi, the mind be a fantasy… A live fantasy.

I Kiss You

– rob.

– rob

I have my Shaw Modem plugged into a small switch which theoretically gives me an option to consume a 2nd IP address from their network as is part of my service plan.

I used to do it.

I try last night to do it. I’m getting this:

23:51:25.000367 IP 0.0.0.0.bootpc > 255.255.255.255.bootps: BOOTP/DHCP, Request from ##:##:##:##:##:## (oui Unknown), length: 300

Hmmm. That’s weird, why would the upstream DHCP server not grant a second email address?

I call Shaw.

@ 5:55 a.m. this morning - thinking that it would be a great time to call.

45 minutes of my cell time used to hear their pre-gained jazz music that is irritating and NOT soothing later I give up.

Why do they do this? I used to be able to no problem and suddenly now it changes?

I check my service plan - yes I can have 2 ip address… Oh oh… Wait.

I have to CONTACT the service group in order to make this happen.

Well G I think I tried that.

< shakes head >

Frustrating. Very Frustrating.

– rob.

PS:

Normally I rage to end on these things in my emails. Here is the one that I crafted.

This is a general comment and a question.

My general comment is after getting up at 5:55 a.m. this morning to call your residential internet support group and being on hold for 45+ minutes that that route for support is worthless. Surely the volume of call traffic was not beyond capable handling that EARLY in the morning.

NOTE: The elevator music for the hold is pre-gained a tad bit to much. The fuzz it creates is irritating and definitely not doing what the purpose meant to.

Now my question - a simple one. Can I get my account configured for a second IP address?

It says I can here: http://www.shaw.ca/en-ca/ProductsServices/Internet/High-Speed/

**To activate a second IP address, please request at time of booking installation or contact Internet Technical Support.

Which I attempted at 5:55 a.m. as I mentioned.

As well this morning while looking at this page: https://secure.shaw.ca/apps/secure/Onlineordering/onlineordering.aspx I got a system error from your site: Server Error in ‘/Apps/Secure’ Application.

These things are really disappointing and disheartening to me. I would hope at some point you can look at these for a potential fix to improve your customer relations.